To Whom It May Concern:

First, all due propers for capitalizing on the name  Quickie.  In the spirit of the name, let me pump this out quickly.

I bought a Quickie.  It faded…you guessed it…quickly.

Quackery?

No!

An error at the factory, fa’sho.

But I’m hopeful that you might redeem my experience by replacing it with a version that best lives up to your company’s standards.

Sincerely,
Big Brown Dad